I wish this was some sort of intellectual metaphor for something deeper, but really what’s got me thinking this week is my husband’s refusal to return the toothpaste cap to its rightful place. I just don’t get it. Every night he goes to bed after me and every morning when I want to brush my teeth, the cap is missing from the toothpaste and I have to retrieve it and twist it back on. I figure he is doing this for a number of reasons:
- He wants to liven my morning up by making me go on a little treasure hunt. So he hides the toothpaste cap in many inventive places. Is it nestled under a face cloth? Has it rolled under the basin? Or is it lurking sneakily on a shelf? Every morning is different.
- He really likes hardened, crusty toothpaste. He doesn’t like toothpaste to be soft and pliable and foam when you brush your teeth. No, he prefers it crusty and sticking to the tube, so it forms little hard globules in your mouth as you attempt to brush away your morning breath.
- He really likes my morning breath. Which is why he doesn’t want me to have clean teeth and why he sabotages my tooth-brushing efforts every day.
- He is trying to save time. We all know how long it takes to replace the toothpaste cap every night: a total of two seconds. But he figures that if he foregoes those precious two seconds, he’ll have two more seconds in bed, which will greatly contribute to his overall wellbeing and productivity.
- He is trying to make me go crazy. He wants his wife to get that mad look in her eyes and feel the red mist descend. I’m not sure why he wants this but trust me, it’s happening.
These are the possible reasons I’ve come up with. Of course, I know the real reason is that he just can’t be bothered. These small things are just not important to him. It’s the same reason he squeezes the toothpaste from the middle of the tube (eeeek!) and the same reason he leaves his socks exactly where he took them off. Laundry baskets – what are they for?! He laughs in the face of laundry baskets.
It’s hard when one of you is an A-type neat freak and the other is well, just not. I love him to bits but I marvel at our differences every day. They are what attracted you to each other but they are also what cause you to raise your fist to the sky and shriek at the heavens.
Ah well, you’ll have to excuse me. I’m heading out to the shops to buy some more toothpaste. I’ve figured out that the only way to resolve this is to each have our own tube and I’m even going to mark them with our initials. And no, I do not find this weird at all. It’s my one little way of keeping myself sane (ish). Wish me luck.